Author: thestarreader

Haunted by the shadows

Living in the “House of self-undoing” is like cage with infinite bars, standing in solitude somewhere in the polar fields of the northern hemisphere. There, were the daily light is eaten by the long dark winter’s night owl, the Sun extends polar light strings reaching for the deepest realms of our hearts. What is the Sun? The everlasting light? But there are places on Earth where the light never shines. There in caves, far below the oceans, far in dark space reside unknown creatures, hidden in the silent void, passing through the darkness generating their own beam navigators. Those who are brave enough to look under the veil of their shadow and search for meanings behind the global curtain, where outwardly entities are lurking thirstily to suck our light. The light ends, where one looses touch with himself, because if you want to see, you have to let yourself loose, be vulnerable and sincere from the fear, or you might die.

During the Nordic winter solstice, the Sun turns on the magic lamp of fireflies. This lamp is our inner fire. The longer you gaze inside, the more serene your heart feels. Like the Little Prince sitting on the top of distant planet, dreaming upon distant stars. Sharing life with his strange imaginary animal friends. Writing poetry in sand dunes, where only one rose prevails the time. All time dissolves with the sand “But eyes are blind, you have to look with the heart.”. Hours can pass through the hourglass into the wall cracks. In the dark, one cleanses their inner eye and all magical creatures appear from the deep galaxy shadows. Only in this silence, while dancing with the shadows, you can hear your inner voice, from which music you were composed.

As a young teen laying long hours in bed, immaculate, music, art, films, smoking, creating parallel universes on which edges I walked, sometimes danced in exile. Favorite hang around where the highest peaks that I could climb on. Sometimes naked in the early morning, I would sit on the rooftop edge of my house, looking at the world. Staring at this creation, colorful puzzle, which I desired to solve by zen-eye flair. And I knew that the shapes I recognized, wouldn’t last more than a glimpse, until dissolving into dirt. All things had meaning, but even the most meaningful things did not last. The Universe was a mystery, which was not supposed to be solved.

Letting the beast out of the cage

For my recent astrology class presentation I had to analyze celebrity and present to my class. There were too many people I appreciate and it was hard task to pick one. But from the very beginning I had my mind on people with 12th house Sun or strong Piscean nature. My mother has been strong Pisces rising mom and I find also people with dominating Neptune somehow related. One of them was the legendary Johnny Cash, born on 26th of February in 1932. He has Sun in Pisces and also Mercury, Mars and Ascendant in Pisces. He was the ultimate Pisces man. This stroke me deeply. Why? Because music has been my life fuel and his music was eternal candle for my soul.

There was one song that I call my heart arrow. It was the song I would refuse to hear in open public. Every time I would listen to this song, it was so personal.. that it made me feel wounded as a deer. This was the song which pierced my soul open child cry. I don’t know is it because it signifies my early life and it became patron of sorrow. During my early teens I had my farewells with few rebels with destructive habits. We shared close relationships, music and rituals. I also grew with great emptiness from my father’s side. He was the absent figure. The man in my life would later always play very important roles. 12th House “of evil” as the Vedic astrology puts it, is also the place of confrontations with father and authority figures. But I grew strong shield around this vulnerable yearning softness. Like a shell I would protect myself from anyone who would try to take me away from my cocoon. I would grow distant and yet when stripped, very close and attached to the souls I meet. The outcasts, the poets and painters, the crazy flowers were the once I would dance naked in my feelings with. This time was tattooed on my bark with burned dark marks, from which leafs of growing understanding swirl. For me the 12th House Sun is a place of growth. Feeling like an old man who has much to learn.

The Quest for a Heart of Gold

The Sun in the last House of water sign of the Pisces experience great loneliness. This is the place in search of that godly sense in all things. Place of solitude and isolation can create intense personality. Johnny was the soul revelation for many. The music he made would stretch from different genres. He was definitely troubled person, the bad boy who was not easy to change. Johnny Cash was known as the “Man in black”, because in contrast to other country singers of his time, he wanted to present the ordinary people, the ones who were poor and oppressed. Wearing black was his contrast to the fancy, glamourous stage presence. He was the real outsider, dangerous, never giving up on his ideals. Perhaps this was his Saturn in Aquarius strongly effecting his Sun. Black is absorbent hue, which sucks the light. He was the black saint, story teller with sad eyes and sincere voice. His Taurean voice was louder than many. It was not about his singing, but his raw honest songs penetrating deep our hearts. There was no escape… “God’s Gonna Cut You Down.”, very Saturnian quote by the way.

People with 12th House placement tend for jobs in humanitarian areas. They crave for inner piece and seek to work in quiet place, unless other personal planets strongly indicate other. They treasure their privacy and avoid big crowded places. The Sun here is explorer, it rejects to obey one movement, one religion or one style. The Sun here is introverted, introspective and gloomy. Mr Cash’s character can be better categorized as simple man, traveler, who suffered from substance abuse and withdrawal. His MC in Sagittarius speaks for the preachy world traveling persona he embodied. Later on his last wife June’s Saturn will take important placement on his MC, which obviously gave his career and life stable position. He was concerned with the well-being of others and dedicated his life for the music. Music is the highest healing mediums. He was activist who pushed often the boundaries build by society and government. He was on simple mission, to spread understanding towards the dark elements, which are categorized as human psychic shadows. He wanted to dig there where society wanted to expel. His values where of one with the people. He was above polarity and discrimination.

The master Bed-Bath

I was thinking what would the 12th House look like if materialized? The neptunium house is like hidden place, a secret garden that has small door to fit only one special key in. It is a playground of dreams, place to sleep. Depending on which sign positioning the house can turn from dark Scorpio chambers with bondage leather chairs, to golden framed walls with peacocks walking between rooms made for Leo’s comforting leisure palace, or Cancer round shaped chambers, build of clay with soft sanded walls, where one can cook and rest filled with sweet nature aromas. This house can become the prison from which one cannot escape. The ultimate introvert sanctuary. Library for the Libra soul, astronomy tower for the Aquarian desires… or some kind of never ending corridors of water for the Piscean body. Place of memories, music and art. This can turn into imprisonment or source of delightful escapism for all.

I never looked into your eyes again

Obsidian eyes

Because the 12th House is one before your rising sign, this is very much like tribute to love, spirit and unknown. Because maybe death is not the end. Before the lights go off, unless this happens in accidental motion, one prepares and carries variety of rituals. These preparations in ancient Egypt were as important as life. The Book of Death, the sarcophagus, bugs placed inside, mummification and the death and burial masks, all these are part of grandiose rituals which ancients gave great importance in their lives. This is the capsule of life being prepared to get out in orbit. Here we put all flowers, love, poems and memories for the future generations to remember and honor, letting them down the Ganges river of astral love, where everything dissolves. You cannot honor life if you separate it from Death. And in the cosmic cycle of all things, this darkness after the day is cherished with sacrifice for love. Love is the glue made of blood. Like heart in the bare hand of Aztec king, here we have to give compassion and share the feast with friends. Here we become the bread of Christ drunken with our blood. If we learn to give before take, our lives in the 12th House will return with gifts… shiny diamonds of eternal light. Because Death is part of Life and we all dance in the circle of its eternity.

My Venus also resides in here conjucting my natal Sun in the 12th. This is place of secretive, abusive or forbidden tabu dealings with love. 12th House Venus placement is not cheerful one, but wrapped in mystery. These people can become mediums, nurses or courtesans, who can feel others desires or pains. These people can also fall in love with wrong match and prefer to be discrete about their private lives. I can only speak of my own emotions regarding love, abusment and loss. The eternal good hurt shall bleeds out joy or sorrow depending on the level of compassion. My Venus actually combusts in the light of my Sun, spready the love widely. I will never have enough time to embrace all, deserted on far planet and yet so close looking inside the hearts of everyone I’ve known. I have been cruel heart breaker, I have abandoned many secret admires, I have lived many romantic film-like affairs and tasted bitter fruit-juices from my bleeding love tales. I have sliced Eros with my dark sword and knitted long winter shawls from the bleeding heart strings. The love I felt and feel is always sacrificial, always dramatic, always full of burden, like a bird I am in the cage of Love. Perhaps a cage I love to die in. This is my Capricorn ruled home of the 12th and yes, it is very lonely place to reside. From here I can see the endless sea of emptiness. No satisfaction… non-human, not-related to this world. Like Romeo & Juliette passion and tragedy in glimpse of beauty, ready to die for true romance. Just like this 12th House Venus list, love has been the seduction song of mermaid dying under the moonlight alone or together with the sailor who was brave enough to swim to her. Love is like conquest in which there is no winner. It is more of snowflakes melting on your palm, knowing everything will die one day.